Massless

Still feel uneasy writing about this. But my future tense is nagging me. He is me: 60 years old, reflecting on his/my life while sitting in a hospital bed with a laptop and would appreciate just a placeholder. So...

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hi, future chris: here's a time capsule.

(No links, since it seems unlikely that many current URLs will last for 30 years.)

The amazing internet. This is the first time I've had the opportunity to experience firsthand the internet's ability to aggregate human effort in the face of suffering: from gathering relief funds to impromptu town halls to eyewitness accounts of major events. It is inspiring.

I seek you. With the adoption of weblogs, combined with the ubiquity of cell phones, we're on our way to establishing the ultimate personal tracking system. Short of implanting a chip in everybody, that is.

News doubt. On the internet there's a wealth of personal and anecdotal information about the destruction of the WTC buildings and the attack on the Pentagon. But the essential anonymous nature of the internet persists. I want to believe the things I read. But this is the post-Kaycee internet community. What can anyone believe? Who can we trust? Can we trust posts to discussion forums? Personal sites? CNN? This situation seems too important for me to trust too many of the earnest-sounding reports that are posted every minute.

I really like what I've said before: Millions seem to be engaged in speculation, and it seems like the dissonance caused by lack of information and the desperate need for information is straining communication between otherwise civil entities.

Speaking of CNN...I find it hard to trust the major news outlets for anything other than real-time interviews. Already their enthusiasm to rush information to their audience has, in at least one case, resulted in a retraction. (If you don't remember, future me, it was a story about the rescue of five firefighters trapped beneath the rubble in an SUV.)

Shadow war. On the subjects of criminal responsibility and international response, we seem to have only Uninformed Opinions. There is so little unfiltered or substantive information about the U.S. response to the various terrorist attacks. At home, Osama bin Laden has been named the prime suspect, but the U.S. government's evidence pointing to him as culprit is not publicly available. Announcements from various governments happen hourly, but no definitive announcement has occurred along the lines of tomorrow we will send troops or we have identified the perpetrators or we have decided on the appropriate diplomatic action. I assume something is happening out there, but I am just a citizen - I will be the last to know.

Technology / My job. What timing. The company I work for is making incredible and bold business moves amidst the political upheaval and my skillset is at the forefront of this change. All of our products, formerly client/server software environments, are being moved to web applications and services.

Which means... I haven't yet missed a day of work. I just can't shake the feeling of responibility for the co-workers whose livelihood depends on my participation. But I am feeling pressure to contribute to society in some way not related to web development for the retail industry.

Dealership. Just a couple of weeks before the attacks, some famous internet people either inquired about or bought the new album. It felt great to be recognized as an artist by people I repect. That brief flare of pride has vanished. Replacing it is the sad question why would anyone care to make or consume pop art right now? Such conflicting feelings. On one hand, I wonder if, as a band, we should just pause for a month. On the other hand, I appreciate having music, movies, non-news TV, and the internet around to provide an occasional escape from the joylessness of suicidal mass murder. Maybe we could, in a small way, provide likewise escape for someone else? I just don't know...

Hey, future me, the day before the attacks I'd gained a new client. New Line Cinema. We're working out the details. Give you three guesses as to the project you worked on. Fun, wasn't it, my precioussssss?

Is that really me/you in the picture? Yes. And that row of monitors actually sit in a meeting room in the company I work for. Other personal stats: I am tremendously behind on email. Due to depression (I assume) I am exhausted. And I need to shave.

But no matter what, and despite these circumstances, somewhere, people are ending conflicts without murder. Somewhere.

Yes, somewhere... I think I'm thinking of Canada.